May 11, 2013
Holly Vance
My Testimony
I’ve been thinking a lot about my testimony and the state
of my heart since this class started, even though I haven’t been able to get to
every class, and I realized that while my heart is not as open as it should be
or even as open as I’d like it to be, it is improving slowly but steadily.
It’s hard to say how and in what ways my testimony has
grown, so I will provide a little background.
I spent the first 20 years of my life as a very active Catholic- I was
even still active as I was taking the missionary discussions. I went to Catholic school from preschool
through eighth grade, and while at the time I begged to go to the public
school, I’m grateful now for the time that I had there, as looking back I can
see how it shaped me into the person I’ve become. I learned at an early age to
pray and that God answered prayers, and I can’t remember ever NOT knowing that
Jesus Christ died for my sins. While
Catholic and Mormon doctrines have major differences, I am grateful the basic
knowledge and testimony I gained in those early years. I have also found in looking through certain
instances of my life I was definitely prepared to hear and accept the gospel. I even believed a lot of the Mormon doctrine
as a Catholic, unbeknownst to meJ For example, I have always believed that the
Godhead was three distinct beings with one purpose-there was just no way in my
mind that They could be 3 persons in 1.
I remember as a preschooler asking my teacher how God could be in the
form of a dove on Christ’s shoulder and at the same time speaking from the sky
and saying “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” I especially hated being told “that’s
something you can ask God when you die.”
How grateful I am to know that I can pray about such things and receive
a testimony when I ask and study for it.
So how did I end up here? I am pretty sure I ask that
weekly, if not daily. I’m still not
quite sure how I ended up converting. I
was content to go to Church one hour a week on Sunday mornings-and that was
just because I just sang every week so it was easy to stay active. If I didn’t lead the music I’m pretty sure I
just would not have gone. And singing
helped me to meet my best friend, as we were in choir at school together. All the sudden I had Mormon friends, so when
my other friends were out drinking I was out “Mormon dancing.” It worked out well for all of usJ One of those “Mormon” friends ended up going
to school at Southern Virginia University, and I went to visit her. We ended up at a Stake Conference where they
were challenged to find someone to take the discussions- that’s my cue. I thought it was just one meeting with
missionaries. When Heidi came home she
got me to come over and meet with them.
At the end they asked when I could meet them again for the next
discussion, and my response was a confused “next one? How many are there?” I met with them for all 6 discussions, and
even though I knew it was true and felt like I’d heard everything before, I
wasn’t ready to commit. I’m pretty sure
they only continued meeting with me because Heidi’s dad was the Stake President
and we were meeting with him at his houseJ
But long story short 6 months after I started this I
realized I had to make a decision as to whether or not it was truly necessary
to be baptized. I had had a bad day at
Church in Sunday school, and I went home resolved to find out what the Lord
would have me do. However, I really
didn’t have any experience praying and asking for answers, and I was feeling
like a brat at the time, so I informed the Lord (don’t ever do this people)
that if His Church was true and He wanted me to be baptized into it, I needed a
sign. In fact, while we are at it, I
haven’t seen a deer in weeks (I grew up in Montana and my apartment was on the
edge of a wooded area). So let’s make
that sign a deer- Just show me a deer.
So…..2 seconds later a deer walked up to me, and had I not been so
shocked I could have touched it. Not
only did it walk up to me, it stopped and stared until I broke eye
contact. If that doesn’t show you that
the Lord has a sense of humor I don’t know what will. 3 weeks later I found myself getting dunked. It was a terrible three weeks as we won’t
even go into how my family took the news and still takes the news, but finally
I was baptized and a member of the Church.
I wish I could say that I learned from that experience
that I need to have a more open heart to what the Lord has for me but let’s
just say I’m a slow learner.
Something I did learn from that experience is that the
Lord knows each of us. He knows our
fears and frustrations and deepest desires and He is willing to bless us if we
will just reach out to him. It’s been ten
and a half years since I was baptized.
In that time there have been many ups and downs, more ups than downs as
I look back, but I can see how the Lord has shaped and molded me into the
person I am. I’m still not sure how I
ended up in Seattle, but I am sure that the Lord has a plan for us. I have learned how to better pray for answers
so that I don’t need to ask for a sign, but I don’t always listen to or even
hear those answers. I am however a
stronger and hopefully better person for having the Gospel of Jesus Christ and
His Atonement in my life. This life is
hard but it’s awesome.
I sometimes hate
being single, but looking back at past relationships I realized that had those
worked out I would not be where I am today and I wouldn’t have had some of the
amazing experiences I have had. I don’t
always like or agree with the Lord’s plan for me, but in hindsight I can always
see how His plan is better and I try to keep that in mind. I sometimes seriously can’t stand being
single. I am the last single one left of
my group of close friends from high school and I’m going home this summer for
the final 2 weddings. I get tired of
hearing “Aren’t you lonely? Aren’t you
old for your Church to not be married? “
I want to yell out at them “No, I love being single. It’s the best experience ever. HELLO!
Would YOU choose to be single?”
Seriously. But when that happens
I remember that in all the blessings and answered prayers I’ve received over
the last ten and a half years, I have always felt that things will work out the
way they are supposed to, and eventually I WILL get married…hopefully in this
life thoughJ I’m not a super patient person. Also, I
occasionally get jealous when I see my friends happily married and having their
fourth and fifth kids. It’s cool. No, it doesn’t bother me at all that my
younger sister has been happily married for 3 years and has a beautiful fat red
head little boy that I love with all my heart.
Truly it doesn’t…I can totally give him back at the end of the day when
he’s cranky and tired of meJ
It also doesn’t bother me to hear my dad continually say “I’m going to die
before you get married and give me any more grandbabies.” HA! I
do this to spite you dad. No problem. As you can see, this stuff totally doesn’t
bother me at allJ
On the other hand, in all of this time that I’ve spent
single, I’ve learned that the Lord has a very strong love for me. I know that He knows me personally and has
blessed me with other experiences that in all honesty have made me grateful
that I’m single. I’ve been to Germany
and Austria, 2 of my favorite places on earth.
I’ve been to Hawaii and Cancun and Washington DC and Boston. I’ve seen Wicked 3 times and Les Miserables 3
times. I’ve been to Disneyland
twice. I’ve had time to become a better
friend, daughter, sister and aunt. I’ve
become a good nurse, and even have been able to get my wound care
certification- a dream since the middle of nursing school. When my family has gotten sick and needed me
I’ve been able to be there, and when my friends are getting married or planning
a parent’s or loved one’s funerals I’ve been able to be there. And best of all I’ve finally found the time
to become a temple worker. If I was
married I’m not sure how much or if any of that I could have done, so yes I can
be grateful for being single. I love the
temple. I love the time I’ve had to
reflect on things and grow spiritually.
I love that I’ve been able to do genealogical work and do temple work
for my family- the ones who are hundreds of years old that no one thought to
forbid me to doJ I can see the ways that my being a member of
this Church has helped my family-even though they would not see it or ever
admit it. I am a stronger better person
because of it and I can’t say that enough.
I KNOW that Jesus Christ lives, and that He died for our
sins so that we could live with Him in glory forever. I have known that my entire life. I KNOW that He has a plan for us, and if we
will trust Him things will turn out better than we can ever even hope or imagine. I know that He hears our prayers and
pleadings and thanksgivings and stands to bless us at every opportunity. I know that through His Atonement and our
repentance we can become better people and help to build up His Kingdom on the
earth-whether we are married or single, divorced or widowed. We are all God’s children. Temples dot the earth so that we can go there
frequently to do work for the dead that will bless us and our families for
generations. Christ stands at the head
of this Church and Thomas S. Monson is our living prophet today. Listening to his council and that of all the
leaders of the Church will help us to grow closer to the Lord. The Book of Mormon is another testament of
Jesus Christ and studying it closely will fortify us and make us stronger. Mosiah said to “Believe in God; believe that
he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe
that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe
that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend. And again, believe that ye must repent of your
sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity
of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things
see that ye do them.” (Mosiah 4:9-10) I
know that we can’t comprehend all that He has in store for us. But I also know that we “can do all things
through Christ which strengthens us” (Philippians 4:13) if we “trust in the
Lord with all [our] heart[s], and lean not unto [our] own understanding….In all [our] ways acknowledg[ing] him …he shall direct [our]
paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6). In the name of
Jesus Christ, amen.
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