Jared Burton
Mid-Singles Testify
May 2013
“He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love” (1 John 4:8).
I have a firm testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, restored in these days for our benefit. Some things I know: revelation—spirit communicating with spirit—is an absolutely real way to gain knowledge, more real, I submit, than visual, auditory or tactile learning. Some things I simply do not know: this mortal mind cannot comprehend the vast and eternal plan provided for us—globally and individually. I do not understand certain difficult doctrines, nor the basis for some incredible trials and experiences so many must travel through. But many things I believe: I may not have a firm knowledge, but out of experience I am deeply inclined to trust the Source, and I choose to believe. And choosing to believe implies living according to the light I have been given (personally and through the doctrine, covenants and ordinances of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints); it also means putting my trust in those three little but powerful words: “God is love.”
Our mortal environment on this earth is increasingly dark, and our existence here is often lonely and troublesome, wearisome and heart-breaking, with shards of experience that could easily strike fear into the most faithful hearts. But I have learned—and am striving each day to learn more fully—what brings me peace, happiness and confidence, without ever having to live in fear, nor in shame. This is a function of what is at my core and is unchanging, versus what is at the periphery and can (and should properly) be altered based on experiences.
The goal is to stabilize my core—not compromising on what I know, believe and have committed or covenanted to abide by (i.e., living according to the light I have received), while refining the periphery, all until I can obtain a perfect belief and knowledge system that aligns squarely with God’s—who, again, is love. It is substantially laughable to recognize how distant I am from this ideal. But constantly being accountable for that which is at my core (and repenting for mistakes I make contrary to the doctrines and principles at my core), and refining and recalibrating my periphery, is immensely helpful and soul satisfying. And the experiences the Lord has given me (and does, and will) strengthen my core (when I let them, of course…) and also allow me to continually tweak my peripheral beliefs more toward love, truth and obedience.
Furthermore, in order to live with peace, happiness and confidence, I have come to fully recognize that God is nevermalicious; He is purely love. He values my agency more than making me do the right thing. (There’s an easy way and a hard way, and I have tended to learn this one the hard way. But I thank my Father in Heaven frequently for the divine gift of repentance and purification, which brings peace unknown by those unwilling to simply turn toward the Light.) Moreover, He recalculates my individual path after every decision I make, in effect creating Jared’s “new best option” each time. He continues to do this—I have seen this happen so clearly a number of times, and He always will do so. This provides me indescribable peace and confidence, and also helps me to realize that there is no need for guilt and shame. True, I am not where I thought or planned (even “righteously” at that) I would be. And I may have lost access to certain pathways—trails that would have, I’m sure, been astounding. But because God is love, the new pathway He is creating and gently prodding me toward is always the “new best option,” designed to bring me the most peace and happiness. Of course, my life has turned out differently than it would have been because of certain decisions I have made in the past, and opportunities have been lost without question. But, what really matters—peace even in hard times, happiness, serving and loving others, learning to love obedience, and coming closer to my Savior and back to my Father—will always be the net effect of His plan (in fact, of each “new best option” plan), should I choose to follow Him along the newly prescribed path. That is what truly matters.
God’s continual refining of our individual paths is evidence of His pure, constant and unchanging love. The story of Oliver Cowdery and his strong desires not just to be a scribe but actually to help Joseph Smith translate the Book of Mormon, as described in Doctrine & Covenants section 9, is an incredible example of the Lord’s forgiving and merciful disposition, and of His absolute willingness to create “new best options” when we miss out on our “previous best option.”
“It is because you did not continue as you commenced, when you began to translate,” the Lord told Oliver, “that I have taken away this privilege from you” (vs 5). But, “do not murmur, my son, for it is wisdom in me that I have dealt with you after this manner” (vs 6). He explained further that it simply was no longer expedient for Oliver to translate the Book of Mormon. But, explained the God of seventy-times-seven chances, “other records have I, that I will give unto you power that you may assist to translate” at a later time (vs 2). And, despite the fact that a wonderful pathway was lost for Oliver, a new one was created, and if he proved faithful to that, he was promised: “you shall prosper, …and a hair of your head shall not be lost, and you shall be lifted up at the last day” (vs 14). The opportunities are different—sometimes vastly so—but, if we are obedient to the requirements of the new path, the truly important blessings always remain in tact.
When Moses was called of God to lead his people out of bondage, his question, which rings in my ears quite loudly, was: “Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?”
“Certainly I will be with thee,” was Jehovah’s response—a prophetic telling of the future. Moses, still somewhat fearful and unsure then inquired: “When I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?”
A sincere question indeed: Who are you, really? And the Lord, of the vast expanse of titles he could have chosen for Himself, answers simply: “I AM… [Tell them] I AM hath sent me unto you.” (See Exodus 3:11-14.)
The Lord was—He helped create the universe in the beginning. And He will be—He has secured a place at the right hand of His Father and works, and will work, unceasingly to bring us all back to Him. But that was not His message to Moses. His message was “I AM,” right now. “I am with you. I am giving you your daily bread. I am answering your questions that you need now, not giving you the answers you will need forty years, nor four weeks, from now. I am with you in this moment. I have been with you, often without you even realizing it. And yes, I will be there in the end, too; but know that I am here with you—right now.”
In my moments of weakness or loneliness, or struggling with heavy burdens, or being overwhelmed with mistakes, or sins, or trials, or misunderstandings, or betrayal, or not being good enough, or not feeling loved, or feeling I have committed one sin too many this time, or just simply wanting to downright sin even against my better judgment, or watching loved ones greatly suffer, or witnessing such evil in the world, or not fitting in, or feeling like a failure, or being so tired from holding on for so long, or aching for someone I just cannot seem to help, or seeing dear friends struggle with their health or their faith, or not understanding the “why” to a number of questions, or comparing my very imperfect self to seemingly-perfect others all around me… family and friends have definitely assisted me in gaining peace and stability, but even they alone cannot fill the void created by some of the problems. Only One is able. And He stands ready—at all times. “I AM”—right now, at any given moment. “I know the way because I AM the way.”
Sometimes my answers come as thoughts or specific feelings. But most regularly, He answers with peace and assurances—assurances that “Jared, although you may not understand, and things may not resolve, and others still have their agency, and significant struggles remain to be made, I AM love. And I AM here.” It is my testimony that He is love—I have felt encircled in His arms. And I know that He is here. “Mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and you cannot see me” (D&C 38:7). Sometimes it takes a little stretching on my part, but His promises are sure: “draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you” (D&C 88:63).
“He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another” (1 John 4:8-11).
Years ago I was with my family in Salt Lake City to celebrate the 24th of July by supporting my dad and little sister who were running the 10K race, and by sleeping in the nice, cool hotel room during the heat of the parade. In the afternoon, when we arose, we left the hotel; and as a few of us were filing into the car, my sister, surely tired from the morning’s activities, noticed an opportunity. About 20 or 30 feet away from where we were backing out stood a lady. Now, we had apparently missed her as we were loading ourselves and each other into the car. This was, however, not hard to do, as she stood maybe 3 feet tall. Her tiny legs held the remainder of her body less than a foot from the ground. A crafted leather sheath surrounded her right arm, of which there was only half. And on her left arm, while proportionally sound, were small fingers, just barely lengthy enough to perform their proper functions.
As we backed out and pulled closer to her, my sister told my dad to roll down the window, to see if she needed any assistance. As he did so, she responded, “Actually... yes, I could use some.” My dad immediately removed himself from the passenger seat, and I followed. She had already succeeded in placing her wheelchair on an ingenious contraption attached to the rear of her car. But, she needed help attaching it securely. Her sound, verbal explanations guided my dad’s complete fingers, causing them to do what she would have done, were she able. After her chair was on snugly, we walked around to the front door, where she assuredly explained, “When I’m ready, just put your knee, not your hands, your knee, into my back and push a bit.” My dad nodded, unsure of how this was all to pan out. But she stood there for a short second in preparation for the event that must happen every time she prepares to travel “on her own.” Then, she used her five surprisingly nimble left hand fingers to hold tightly to the inside handle of the open car door. And, facing the driver’s seat, she braced the other half of her body with the leather sheath on her right arm against the bottom of the doorframe. Her legs the swings and her arms the lopsided swing set, she suddenly said, “O.K. Push,” to which my father naturally bent down a bit, as was needed for him to reach the lower part of her back with his knee, and pressed forward until she was able to deftly maneuver her left hand from the door to the steering wheel. And from there, she was able to complete the task of turning and preparing and eventually driving.
As she was graciously thanking my father, he asked something to the effect of, “So, do you have to just wait for somebody every time?” And the stature of her soul shone though as she confidently yet simply replied, “It never fails. Someone always comes.”
We parted ways, perhaps never to meet again. But as a family we discussed the experience in the car, noting the faith that this lady must have. Daily she waits, most likely prays, and probably sometimes waits a little longer, but someone comes. Somebody always comes. This she knows. And this we all can know.
We all are incomplete, suffering, alone at some point, many points, throughout this mortal sojourn. It takes faith to make it through “alive” (see 1 Cor. 15:22, Rom. 6:11, 2 Ne. 25:25). But, even then, it’s not always easy. But, as we learn to rely on Him, Him who changes our weakness into strengths (see Ether 12:27), Him who “ease[s] the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage” (Mosiah 24:14), even “Him who carr[ies] us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise” (Alma 37:45), and Him who took “upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people... that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11-12); as we learn to rely on Him, He will come. He always comes. I AM always comes. He is Charity and “charity never faileth” (Moroni 7:46). Christ will never fail us. Never. And whatever our present circumstances may be, the more we cleave unto Charity, the more Charity will cleave unto us, with an all-knowing, guiding hand and an all-loving, watchful eye.
I testify, with one of our current apostles and prophets, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland,
that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair. (See Alma 7:11-12.) From the beginning, trust in such help was to give us both a reason and a way to improve, an incentive to lay down our burdens and take up our salvation. There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life. Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds a strength, as the
hymn says, “beyond [his] own” (“Lord, I Would Follow Thee,”
Hymns, no. 220). The Savior reminds us that He has “graven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands” (1 Nephi
21:16). Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. [Says He, “I know] the way because
[I AM] the way.”
(Holland, Jeffrey R., “Broken Things to Mend,” GC, April 2006.)
That is the testimony most at my core. I am grateful and indebted for the knowledge that ours is a God of Love and infinite grace, and One who delights in continually blessing us via His chosen and meaningful title: “I AM.”
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
